Posts Tagged Tarzan & Jane

Tarzan Goes To Rehab (G-uno)

Drama everywhere I look these days. Jane could have never guessed that Tarzan’s secret daughter would have been the problem she wished for instead of his problem with alcohol. I myself come from a long line of alcoholics, and I truly didn’t see this elephant in the room. To be perfectly honest though I have been wrapped up in my own menopausal woes here lately. Like most addicts Tarzan is masterful at hiding his addiction.
I hold no superior judgement on this subject. Alcoholism is no different from having any other disease in my opinion. I would not judge a person harshly for having diabetes, or any other illness in spite of a rather horrifying childhood of having an alcoholic father.
Jane herself is no stranger to life with an alcoholic. Her story differs from mine though. Her mother died from sclerosis of the liver when she was just three years old. Her father did not drink so she really doesn’t have any experience with detecting the symptoms.
So you can imagine her great surprise of finding him passed out cold on his back doorstep completely unresponsive. Having him rushed to the hospital by ambulance, and having the doctor ask you how long has he had a problem with alcohol?
Jane’s response was that he does not have a problem with alcohol. The doctor looking at Jane with an expression of great belief replied that his blood work results showed otherwise. He then strongly suggested that rehab should be the next consideration.



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First Date After The Divorce (G-uno)

Off of the strippper pole, out of a 30 year plus marriage, and onto your first date since the divorce papers were filed makes life a real game changer. I guess we had to expect that this day was coming, but what we didn’t expect was who the first date would be. My friend received the most beautiful flower arrangement with a mysterious note that read” You should have picked me.” The whole thing caught her by surprise. Truthfully she didn’t get right away who the flowers were from, then it hit her like a bolt of electricity.
I guess it’s time to stop calling my dear friend “The Stripper Pole friend.” So for the sake of privacy I will give her a blog alias. So from now on I will refer to her as “Jane.” Why Jane? Because like Jane Fonda she has managed to never let her figure go, not even after having her children. She is amazing that way. Now back to our mystery man. When ex-hubby, and Jane first started dating there was another guy in the picture. To keep things easy to remember we will call him “Tarzan.” I should also let you know how fitting that blog alias is by telling you he was beautiful to look at from the tip of his head all the down way to the tip of his toes. A much wilder type than hubby.
Tarzan, and Jane had quite an exciting past. Her parents at one point actually threatened boarding school if she continued to see him. This of course only added more heat to an already hot relationship. Tarzan was actually Jane’s first lover. Wait, it gets even better… Tarzan was also ex-hubby’s best friend! Ex- hubby had a front row seat to Tarzan & Jane’s wildy hot relationship. He was often the third wheel when two of them where going out, and the cover guy who showed up at her door pretending to be her date so she could sneak off with Tarzan behind her parent’s back.
Jane was head over heels in love with Tarzan, unfortunately so was every other young girl in school. Tarzan began seeing other girls behind Jane’s back. This actually worked out well for ex-hubby who had also fallen for Jane, but never acted on his feelings because he knew Jane loved Tarzan. He was also his best friend so this was against every bro-code that has ever existed. Sadly Jane’s best friend did not have the same high standard for the sister code. She was seeing Tarzan behind Jane’s back!
Jane caught Tarzan, and her best friend in a most embarrassing encounter in the back yard of a raging little keg party. Needless to say she ended her relationship with both. Ex-hubby steps up as the white knight in this situation, and stands by her through the entire mess. He ends up losing Tarzan as a best friend by telling him that he is in love with Jane. Ex-hubby is a great guy. He was never the eye candy that Tarzan was, but he was a good looking guy with a huge heart. One thing lead to another, and they ended up in an almost perfect 30 plus year marriage.
Well guess who heard about  Jane’s marriage ending?  I’m not convinced this is such a good idea, but I can tell you by the look on Jane’s face as she told me this story that she does. 😉

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