Posts Tagged tough decisions

Tarzan Goes To Rehab (G-uno)

Drama everywhere I look these days. Jane could have never guessed that Tarzan’s secret daughter would have been the problem she wished for instead of his problem with alcohol. I myself come from a long line of alcoholics, and I truly didn’t see this elephant in the room. To be perfectly honest though I have been wrapped up in my own menopausal woes here lately. Like most addicts Tarzan is masterful at hiding his addiction.
I hold no superior judgement on this subject. Alcoholism is no different from having any other disease in my opinion. I would not judge a person harshly for having diabetes, or any other illness in spite of a rather horrifying childhood of having an alcoholic father.
Jane herself is no stranger to life with an alcoholic. Her story differs from mine though. Her mother died from sclerosis of the liver when she was just three years old. Her father did not drink so she really doesn’t have any experience with detecting the symptoms.
So you can imagine her great surprise of finding him passed out cold on his back doorstep completely unresponsive. Having him rushed to the hospital by ambulance, and having the doctor ask you how long has he had a problem with alcohol?
Jane’s response was that he does not have a problem with alcohol. The doctor looking at Jane with an expression of great belief replied that his blood work results showed otherwise. He then strongly suggested that rehab should be the next consideration.



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Jane’s Mailing The Wedding Invitations Today (G-uno)

Ex-hubby is being  some sort of a version of a “Father-of-The Bride- Zilla.” Weddings should be so much more stress free than they actually are, but then there’s real life drama to swipe that notion right to the side. I went over to Jane’s house Tuesday evening to try to help straighten out the whole wedding invitation situation. Since we have exactly 27 days to give baby girl the wedding of her dreams, I don’t mind telling you that I’m feeling a little more than stressed myself.
I’ve decided to call Jane’s daughter (our bride to be) “Khaleesi” in my posts. Those of you who watch Game of Thrones will immediately understand the reference. For those who do not follow the show “Khaleesi” is a  complete badass female warrior who follows her own path in life without exception. I personally am a huge fan of the mother of the dragons style.
The final headcount for this wedding will be 100, and not one single guest more. This does not include Ex-hubby’s girlfriend! Ex-hubby was absolutely furious. He told “Khaleesi” that she could have his R.S.V.P. now marked will not attend! He also told her that since his feelings were of no consideration to her that he was also closing his wallet. This of course was the point where everyone started going ballistic. Insults were being thrown in every direction. Jane was in Ex-hubby’s face, and I kind of stood there watching in slow motion.
Then “Khalessi” stood up on her chair placed her fingers in her mouth letting out a whistle that would have made the dog cover it’s ears if he hadn’t of been outside, and the entire room stopped. She told everyone to pay close attention because she had no intention of having this conversation again. “I am the bride, and my husband-to- be has given me the go ahead to plan this wedding exactly how I want to, so this is how this is going to go. Mom I appreciate everything your doing for us, but Dad is no longer your problem. Tarzan I will be completely pissed if you do not attend our wedding. “Ya ya’s I cant think of a single important moment in my life that did not include you, and I am grateful that you are letting me hand out orders for getting this wedding going. We could not make this happen without you.”
“Dad I love you, and nothing would mean more to me than to have you give me away, but I do not love your girlfriend. I do not want to see her face in my wedding photos. If you are happy with your new life then I will try to be happy for you. To me she is a constant reminder of one of the most unhappy moments in my life, so I’m not inviting her to be a part of one of the most important moments in my life now. As for your wallet being closed well let that be a reminder to you that this subject is also closed!”
Then in true “Mother of the Dragon” style she stepped off of her chair, and turned towards me. She said “Well I think we’re making progress here, there will be 100 hundred invitations, and we already have one R.S.V.P. let’s talk about decorations.” Of course Ex-hubby wanted to bluster some more, but “Khaleesi” held up her tiny little hand making the stop motion. Her eyes remained on our list in front of us, then without another word he turned, and walked out the door.
“The Mother of the Dragons” did not mention her father again. We worked until we finished the last of the invitations which will be mailed out today. There were exactly 100 guests invited and not a single more. 😉



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Wedding Woes ( G-uno)

Weddings like most family orientated events are a lot more complicated underneath the surface. No matter how hard you try to leave out the drama it still seems to come creeping back in ever waiting to test your patience. We have a HUGE family so things can get a little tricky. As the mother of the bride I am not much help because unlike a great deal of women out there I never really spent a lot of time planning my own wedding.

In fact I decided to get up early on our wedding day to go to the beach with my groom. I was late getting home so I did not have time to get my hair or my make-up done. I literally showered threw on my dress, and went to the church. Luckily our daughter is no bridezilla. She is doing everything she can to keep things drama free, but it still seems to creep in at the most unexpected times.

Our first difficulty was in making the guest list. My husband’s family is huge! Unfortunately our budget is not. Our future son-in-law, and our daughter have insisted on paying for most of the wedding their selves. So the guest list will be 150. This meant trimming the family tree considerably. So to be fair they cut everyone off after the second cousins. I think this was probably the most difficult decision they’ve had to make.

Secondly our niece who got engaged five months after our daughter decided that she would like her wedding to be 6 weeks before ours. So this is a very tricky balancing act as well. Not only because of the timing, but she lives in a different state. We have our own wedding events prior to our wedding, so the entire family is a little stressed over trying to meet both of the couples events. We have had to just say up front that we will only be attending the wedding. This did not go over very well with our niece, or her mother. I did step up to gently remind them that by choosing to have their big day six weeks before ours they surely had to realize our wedding events were going to be impossible to completely coordinate. So there are some hard feelings there, but in all fairness there is only so much time everyone can take off from work. Not to mention the issues of setting up our own ceremony.

Our third issue is the photographer. After seeing her photos from other weddings we have decided that her artistic vision is not quite what we have in mind. After the engagement photos our daughter has been anxious about her style, but really does not want to insult her in any way. I told our daughter to forget about the deposit. We are giving 7 months notice of cancellation. I told her to blame me. Just say that I am paying for the photography, and that I am insisting on using another photographer.

Our fourth issue is the Mother-in-law. She seems to have an issue with every single choice the kids have made regarding the wedding. She has even told our daughter that she plans on wearing black (implying that she is in mourning), and will be bringing her own wine to the wedding because their choice of wine is unacceptable. They have tried to include her, but she has declined repeatedly. If she does not like the choices the kids have made she simply refuses to participate. I’m not exactly sure about how to approach this issue. It’s complicated because she, and the father-in-law are divorced. He has been in another relationship for over ten years, and the kids love his girlfriend very much. Trying to make everyone feel included without stepping on any toes has been almost impossible.

At this point I am just trying to do whatever I am asked to do. I am enjoying watching our kids plan their special day. I think they have done a great job at every turn. My husband, and I just keep telling them it’s their day. I just wish everyone else could adopt that perspective. 😉

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