OK, as one of my former posts stated, I was refraining from ordering the cake I wanted… ice cream cake shaped like a turkey, if you must know. Why a turkey? It was the weirdest one I found and I wanted to see what ice cream shaped like poultry would be like. Can you even bite into the ass of a bird that tastes like cold chocolate heaven?
The wonders never cease on my planet.
Wow, tangents… I was refraining this year from ordering my chosen cake because my diet buddy who will already be partaking of this with me along with our respective families, decided to step all over my thoughts of ice cream gobblery to make me a cake this year.
Yes, so that is indeed very awesome and very thoughtful but I’m very hesitant when people offer me a dessert, especially one that should make me happy at the fact I’m getting fuck old, since I’m picky as hell.
- Keep your stinking pie, all of them.
- Hell no, to cobbler.
- Better not be a nut anywhere near my shit.
- Cooked fruit will get you banned for life.
- Please keep the frosting to a minimum and not buttercream or anything that starts with copious amounts of powdered sugar.
- It best not be dry.
- If it contains Crisco, I might hurt you.
- Don’t dye my cake. Red velvet just tastes like food coloring and sugar, I have no damn clue why this shit is popular. Though it would be entertaining if made into the shape of an animal, or a baby.
- Keep your gluten free shit to yourself.
- No jellies, nothing semi-transparent and buoyant, especially if it squishes under pressure.
- No cinnamon
- No coconut
- Nothing with candies or candies anything on it.
- Fuck the fondant.
- I don’t need glaze.
- I will be murderous if meringue is present.
Then I got a text last night from the friend making the cake and they ask:
“What flavor ice cream do you want?”
My immediate reply:”Chocolate!”
Friend:”Chocolate it is then.”
If I could have done a flip, I would have. Apparently, my comment about their making a good ice cream cake did not pass idly by their offspring after our comic adventures. I felt a bit guilty actually, but also thrilled that it wouldn’t be a shitty meringue fruit pie with nuts or something.
Here’s hoping the cake part is equally appealing, but this has me a lot less worried. Ice cream is fucking hard to frost and I have past experiencing liking their ice cream cake. So… wheeee!