why do you want to work here? (g2)

  • The bottom line… I don’t.
  • I’d like to win the lottery… Unfortunately, I’d have to see it as not a waste of time and actually buy a ticket.
  • No one else is willing or has offered to give me a cool million to invest and live on.
  • The last time I checked, there is no job that allows me to travel, do whatever and generally just run around and be a smartass. I’m not funny enough.
  • My kid likes having food, clothing and a roof over their head.
  • I go stir crazy when cooped up in my house too long, despite my intense desire to be there. Even with the constant revolving personal projects I have going on at any one time.
  • I just love business casual as a lifestyle.
  • I don’t get enough pretentious bullshit from Facebook.
  • I like to push the envelope on hair dye colors to see when you’re going to say something about it being “too unnatural” for a professional environment.
  • I live to be asked the same motherfucking stupid ass question at least six times an hour, its how I get my jollies.
  • I live for that moment when you rush at me for being three minutes late, just to ask me where documents are I put on your desk three days ago.
  • No, I know you’re management but that absolutely means I want to do your job too with no pay increase.
  • I love when you, as a baby boomer, want to talk down to me about responsibility even though I have a better work ethic than you on less pay.
  • Because I am forced to suck up to you, instead of telling you the truth, because somewhere along the line this country decided that corporations were more important than people.
  • Because I’m forced to make you believe I want to eat, sleep and breathe the cycled air and bad coffee of this soul-sucking corporate environment so I can do epic things for your company for a pittance, just so you can turn around and toss me out to pad your bottom line for the month.
  • Because I have no choice.
  • Because I cannot figure out how to spend the time I will invest in your piece of shit company on myself instead. Can you even begin to imagine what kind of immense joy and what epic place I would be in my life if I’d invested over twenty years of work effort in myself instead of faceless entities like you?
  • If this was a company worth working for, you’d never have to ask such a shit question.
  • …I don’t…

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