spring, ah spring… go fuck yourself, but not on my lawn (g2)

Both Spawn and I are spring babies. You’d think with the prospect of cake twice in such close proximity would actually make this a rather happy period. It doesn’t.

Unfortunately, if you look outside right now, which here is about 70 degrees with a bright sun, cool wind and the most picturesque view of Spring in all its glory, since the lilacs are just barely beginning to fade and the honeysuckle is slowly rearing its head, scent first. It’s the kind of shit southern writers moon over in books for several pages.

What we see, however, is a massive plant orgy spraying their yellow sex juice all over the damn planet and bees as their little sperm pimps and it renders us into hacking, squinting, snot factories.

So the first day of Spring, Spawn and I were holed up like a pair of refugees. It took a great deal of effort for us to force ourselves out the door to go to our usual breakfast hole. Even worse when Spawn’s early-rising, unmedicated ADHD bestie came with us and blew sunshine up our snotty asses. They love hanging out with us, as much as it confuses me.

I always suspect we are more like anti-social, hermit bears. For someone to willingly want to be in our den and even fiercely  refuse to leave, boggles my mind. We grumped about how the bright ass sun was too much for our watery eyes and made us sneeze, and how every time we inhaled it felt like it contained chunks from all the pollen.

I even broke down and ran the car through the super car wash. The last time I used a car wash was when I bought the car, in 2006. There were still the big rollers in them then.

Thankfully, Spawn was fine in a few days when the allergy meds started kicking in. I ended up at the doctor’s after two weeks of sinus spray being my only method of breathing. Any time anything bugs my sinuses, I tend to get a sinus infection about 98% of the time.

They also asked if I would like a shot of steroids for my sinuses. I’ve never had this before, but I’m so desperate to breath without the help of a spray, that I accepted gladly. Then she asks:

“You want to do this standing up, bent over, or lying down?”

I snorted, couldn’t resist asking what kind of “shot” (air quotes) this was.

Apparently, not the fun kind. I got a sore ass and a Bugs Bunny bandaid…. so totally worth it.

Fuck you, Spring.

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  1. #1 by Polysyllabic Profundities on April 19, 2016 - 6:19 pm

    Lol….I share your hacking, snot-induced sentiment. 🙂

  2. #2 by Rita on April 19, 2016 - 6:25 pm

    Lmao! Damn near choking

    • #3 by Rita on April 19, 2016 - 6:27 pm

      Damn I wish our caves were within walking distance

      • #4 by g2 on April 20, 2016 - 1:02 pm

        YUS!

  3. #5 by Matt on April 21, 2016 - 5:00 pm

    This was a great read. Hope your sinuses (or at the very least your ass) are feeling better soon.

    • #6 by g2 on April 22, 2016 - 4:14 pm

      HA! yes, yes indeed, bum and sinuses both healed quite nicely. I asked them if I would be able to throw cars when it cycled through. They just looked at me like I was nuts.

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