Note To Self… (G-uno)

Mother’s Day came, and I felt like a mixed bag of emotions. I felt love for my Moms. I felt loved by my kids. I was filled with joy because it was my Sister’s birthday. I felt sad that yet again my gift to my Mother-in-law was not received well after much thought was put into it. I was saddened by our good friend’s funeral on Saturday. I felt a crushing sense of sorrow when we received another call from our loved one’s nurse asking us to consider that it may be time to start him on morphine. I felt so many emotions over this weekend that this morning my mind is reeling over all the possibilities.

I am working on focusing on the good things first. I cooked for my family, I wanted my Mom and my Sister to be pampered. Mission accomplished! Our family dinners are always something we love doing together. Mom,and Sister were fully pampered. They laughed, talked, and ate themselves into a full after dinner napping session.Note to self-never miss the opportunity to pamper those you love especially on their special days.

I felt so loved by the way my kids had acknowledged their love for me. I am lucky because I receive this kind of treatment from them every day, not just on special holidays. Note to self-remember every single day that you are very much loved.

My Mother-in-law is a woman who has everything. She has a very deep sense of her family roots, so I purchased a D.N.A kit from Ancestry.com. I registered her, and sent her the kit where all you have to do is not eat or drink for a half an hour. Then deposit a small amount of spit into a tube, then mail it off in a prepaid postage supplied envelope. After that you wait a couple of weeks, and you receive full feedback on your genetic background. Something I myself, and most of our family have already done. It’s a little expensive, but very interesting to see the percentages of D.N.A. shared between all our family members.For some reason this caused her a great deal of anxiety. She made it quite clear this was not her favorite gift.  Note to self-stick with flowers next year.

Our friend passed away two weeks ago. For some unknown reason his funeral was held the day before Mother’s Day.Note to self-try not to plan funerals the day before a holiday.

I am deeply torn over watching our loved one who has so valiantly struggled to recover from an accident that occurred four years ago. He is clearly losing his battle more, and more with each passing day. The problem is that on some days he is exactly his old self. Happy, joking, enjoying our visits, fully aware of who we are. Lately those days are farther and fewer in between. We have made it our personal commitment to have two family members visit him twice a day every day for the last 3 years and 10 months. He has been bed ridden for the last ten months. We are faced with the decision of increasing his pain medication fully knowing this will result in the need to remove his feeding tube to avoid causing him to aspirate. Our love one made the choice to have the feeding tube put in 2 years ago. This gave us 2 precious years of being able to have him in our lives. Now we seem to have reached a new juncture where extremely difficult decisions will need to be made. Note to self-pray to never be in a position where you hold someones life in your hands, and if you do find yourself in this position pray for wisdom, and strength to make the right decisions.

Note to self-life is full of both beautiful, and heartbreaking moments. Take a deep breath, and do your best to face them both with love & honor. 😉