kicking diabetic ass: week 1, day 3; damn, I miss real damn food (g2)

I refuse to explain the inner workings of my brain from the last post. Once I get going on one string of thought, you either join me or run like hell. I’m sure if I’d had a doc pay attention long enough, I’d probably already been diagnosed with something relating to attention a long time ago.

The low-cal thing is still going, I waver from 450-800 calories depending on the day, my mineral intake being too low, or craving for real food. I was at 470 last night when I realized my vitamin range was low so I had another shake to ramp it up.

I’m hating the shakes, or rather I’m bored.

Not the taste, mostly… I’ve figured out the combination to make them healthy and still not taste like vanilla sandy ass or lawn cuttings. Thankfully its on its last dregs, so I can pick a new one soon.

Right now, I guess I’m going through a flavor boredom. The shakes are the same, the veg is cooked the same. It’s my own fault, I was too lazy to make it any more exciting, but still. Spawn usually takes care of meals during the week and telling my kid to make up some variety of veg that tastes great is like handing a recipe for souffle to a three year old.

You’re not going to like the outcome.

Spawn doesn’t like vegetables. Spawn rages against the very idea. However, this past weekend Spawn was paying pretty good attention to when we blew through the store and I was on an exploration for variety and showed them calories, carbs, how to spot net carbs and when something is reasonable and when it isn’t.

My treasure this trip was … fennel.

I have no fucking idea what to do with it, but it was low in the carbs and just seemed interesting. I’ve used fennel seeds in cooking, but the white and green bull testicle-looking things we took home were just so different.

It makes me want soup. Fennel-testicle soup with a parm sprinkle? Nummers, right? Gimme suggestions, folks!

And salad.

I can guess why these two things appeal to me so much since you mix a bunch of stuff together and flavor it. It’s like this constant surprise what flavor will punch you in the face each bite, especially with salads.

Spawn promised to research fennel and find a good way to serve it.

I’m not really excited.

Though, by accident Spawn seems to have a great knack with asparagus, which boggles my mind since their prior track record has me more in the “damn, what a waste of food” mindset. I know very well I can be pleasantly surprised, but I’m a cynic by nature.

Ironically, I’m still not “hungry.” I’ve had no lightheadedness. I was a raging bastard for the first few days, but then it eased off and my mood has been pretty good since. Sure I have moments where I really want a burger, but if the meat and cheese were wrapped in the tomato lettuce blanket, I would love it.

As Spawn was noshing on her cookie last night and I was sucking my second shake of the day, I had a momentary urge just to tackle my kid and lick their cookie, just so I could taste ANYTHING else. Kind of sad.

Yes, there are cookies in my house. Chocolate in a couple types even. Nope, haven’t had any. Wanted some? Sure. But right now, I think I’d take a burger first. Or hell just some fucking cheddar. I’ve been sticking close to hard cheeses when I bother to have any.

I suppose what is really a challenge for me, that we have been systematically avoiding whenever possible lately, is being able to enjoy the same thing together. This is where the social eating comes in. Spawn and I roll out of bed on Saturdays and go down to the old refurbished house turned kitschy cafe about a mile from our house and have an epic breakfast.

I always get the scrambled eggs (they make it with dill), bacon, toast (pumpernickel/rye) and grits (meh) and Spawn always gets french toast with strawberries and cream on the side. Spawn ate some of my eggs, half my toast and I got the berries and whatever leftover cream they didn’t want.

It takes an hour or so to get our food as its just one lady behind the counter named Kim who cooks it, and we usually chat and listen to the Geritol Squad at the next table gossip about people in the area, talk about old times, and past adventures. I get to sip on coffee made just how I like it and just enjoy the scenery. They know what we want and adore Spawn. I miss that. It’s our routine.

I wouldn’t even mind the selection having to be changed, but nothing they serve quite fits into what I’m trying to do. They have fantastic salads too, but they have LOTS of things on it. The math alone would make me cry.

*sigh*

Can fucking July get here already?